I was once told by a close friend and mentor when I was young that, "You can’t build your life on fun." For at least half of my adult life I believed that statement and conducted my life accordingly. It wasn’t until a divorce and mid-life crisis hit me between the eyes when I realized that my life was anything but fun. Sure, I had learned to be responsible, I had a good career, and many of the so-called luxuries of life, But I was far from happy. What went wrong? How did I end up here? After suffering with those questions for a few more years, and after a very painful divorce, it finally hit me. I never did think to build my life on fun. I suppose I enjoyed my profession well enough but so many things around me in my life were sterile, empty and lifeless. One night I started unconsciously listing in my mind all the things I used to do that brought me joy and happiness. At first there were the obvious things like not hiking as much as I used to but the more I thought about it, the list became very long and I was brought to tears as I realized the platform I had built my life upon. I was so intrigued I even wrote down the list, which made it even more pronounced to see it in writing. As I looked upon the list, it was as if I had carved out my heart and I sat there watching it struggle to beat on the paper.

What did I do next? I walked out into the rain, took off my shirt and jumped on my Vulcan and screamed down Bodega Boulevard to Bodega Bay at speeds upwards of 70 miles per hour, wearing only pants. Okay, that was certainly not the most intelligent thing I’ve ever done but while the rain painfully pelted me in the face, something incredible happened, at 40 years old, I felt alive again. By the time I made the return trip up back inland through Santa Rosa, I was nearly purple but fully awake and I had awoken a different person. If I had to choose a single word to describe how I felt that word would be "REAL!"

The life I have been living for the past 20 years was an awful dream, anything but real. Yet, somehow we get fooled into thinking that is what reality is. Reality is of course rooted in the word, real. And what is real? The best definition I can come up with is "reality is the true state of things." Certainly the life I had been living was anything but me.

As I sat there in Honolulu reflecting on the last 10 days of my life, they were filled with all the activities I loved to do, and I had spent them with the one person in this world I love and adore. There was no stress of work, chores, have to’s, should do’s, don’t wanta do’s. When we are free to follow our hearts and free to do as we please, I believe that is where we find who we really are. When we engage in fun, we become open, rather than closed, spontaneous rather than stale, loving rather than selfish. So if being on vacation, or doing what we love to do allows us to be who we really are, why is it that we think that reality is that other part of our lives that makes us feel dead?

As I walked on to the Delta flight that night, I did so with a slightly heavy heart knowing that I was leaving pure, unadulterated reality. However, thanks to a freezing motorcycle ride a few years back, I wasn’t going home to a night dream, devoid of color and life.

While I still have my daily to do list, I have a more important list of “must do’s” that include a healthy dose of the things I love, things that keep me breathing and my heart beating. Things that make me "REAL."